She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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