And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
