Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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