the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
