Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
