dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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