first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
