So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
