woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
