I have demons in me.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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