she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
