He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize