You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
