i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
