i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
