Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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