whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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