I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
