I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize