How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
