oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
