My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late