just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect