What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
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You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!