So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.