So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.