I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
