dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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