Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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