I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
