At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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