If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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