i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
