A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
PANTIES FOUND
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