its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
