I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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