What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
