There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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