I think i peed on brittanys purse
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
organizing the empties. That sober.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
