And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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