he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
