There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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