Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
