yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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