there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
