I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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