No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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