What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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