I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize