so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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