So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
