I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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