3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
