I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
