Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
