i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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