I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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