i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
