Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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