If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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