well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
