dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
