Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
