you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
