It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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