i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
