If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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