it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
what day is it and did you see me today?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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