What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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