Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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