You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
