Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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