I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
