How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
