Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
