youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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