I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be naked everywhere
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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