Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
