i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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