Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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