getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
