Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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